Looking back on my year of 2020

Let us never truly forget the things we experienced this year. It’s something I never thought I would have to go through. Yet here we are, finishing up one of the most challenging years in our lives.

Things aren’t over yet, and they aren’t even quite over the hurdles to getting better, so we have to keep pushing. But here’s my story.

I think we all remember when it first started. For me, I went to work every day like normal and progressively over the course of two weeks things started looking weird and then all of a sudden I was at home. I remember specifically sitting at my desk. My coworker next to me discussed all the news with me. We even turned on the daily news our governor started doing so that we could know what choices were being made that day by our government. Another coworker came by at some point and started telling us all the conspiracies about Russia starting it through the new 5G towers and so on. Once he left we looked at each other and just shrugged. 

The main feeling I felt at that point was fear. I knew I had to watch every report and read every tweet and article so that I wouldn’t have questions but it also scared me. I still feel that way to be honest. Before long I was stuck at home though, and started working there just on my laptop. Since my work closed to the public though, they lost all income and a week after shut down they let me and about 80% of all the other staff go. That started my long stretch of sitting on my couch.

It was just me, my sister and my cats. And let me tell you each and every day I would look them and say thank the Lord I have you guys because things would be unbearable without you (yes to both my cats and my sister).

At that time I did not have the new Nintendo Switch, so when Animal Crossing New Horizons came out I was so upset I couldn’t play it, but my sister could. Instead I rewatched all of New Girl. But that only lasted so long. Then my birthday came in April.

I was the first of my family to have a virtual birthday party, and we made the most of it. They had presents shipped to our place. To end the night I zoomed with some of my friends and we played some games. A few days after I finally had gotten my hands on a switch, so for several weeks my sister and I played Animal Crossing nonstop.

When it started getting warm enough, we decided to venture out to a nearby lake beach to take advantage of our time off and the warmth. We kept a far distance from everyone though and just ran to the water for a dip and then hurried back to lay out. Our neighborhood pool opened back up eventually too, so we alternated pool and beach. Getting out in the sun and soaking all that up, I finally experienced the least amount of anxiety all year. I still felt twinges of stress all the time because my brain wouldn’t let me forget the pandemic, but I was for sure so much more calm.

At the end of June, I work finally called me back in preparation for reopening. But the pandemic started picking up again so work stayed closed, but for a long stretch I was back at work, with insurance and paychecks. I worked from home all that time and found my new routine. 

The next thing to stress me out was not in fact the pandemic but the election. My sister and I made sure to get everything right and voted absentee. Shortly after early voting had started, we dropped them off. We were very hopeful seeing the long lines of voters out there. We found where to drop ours off and watched the workers slide them into the box. We cheered and listened to Hamilton the whole drive.

As you all are well aware, everything continued to be hectic regarding the election. On election night we decided to join a few friends for a viewing party of sorts, but we gave up at some point and went to sleep. The rest of that week I was frantically checking so eager to know, even though my mom had told me this would take a lot longer than we wanted. She was quite right. Let me tell you, the morning I woke up and saw that Biden had been named president elect, I cried of relief. It was a Saturday. 

Shortly after that my sister and I joined my parents in the RV in Alabama on a brief and very socially distanced trip. The beach has always calmed and fulfilled us. So we relaxed as much as we could.

Immediately after getting back, I quarantined in my house. I only got pick up and didn’t go anywhere that wasn’t absolutely necessary. Let’s be clear though, I primarily got grocery pick ups throughout the whole year and only went out for groceries or necessities. I haven’t just gone shopping, that’s what the internet is for. But I did that so that I could go home to have thanksgiving with my parents. My sister and brother also joined us in a social distanced way.

After that I made a plan to quarantine all over again for Christmas. After much consideration between the family, we decided to go with a virtual Christmas. We love our traditions and waking up all in the same house and we missed that for sure. The week before Christmas though, I got the tough news that my work had to let me go. Again. And my heart sunk. It was rough the first time, but a whole other round of stress the second time. We had actually been planning a reopen again right before thanksgiving, but again had to cancel. Merry Christmas.

I did actually enjoy our weird little Christmas. We talked on zoom literally all day and we even sat and watched Wonder Woman 1984 together but apart.

Which brings us up to speed now to New Year’s Eve. I have so many emotions right now. I fear what next year will bring us with the pandemic. But I also hope now that this vaccine might be a good start into getting things closer to normal. I’m keeping my expectations low though. If things continue how they are, there’s a good chance we will come full circle to me having another virtual birthday.

I’m tired from this year. Stress and anxiety does that to a person. So I just wanted to share my story. I know I was blessed to be able to return to work however brief it was because many have not been able to all year. But I want everyone to know that there are so many of us still feeling the pain and stress wearing us down from this year and that you’re not alone in that.  All of our feelings are valid. As someone who struggles, I know it’s rough to reach out. Perhaps in our times of feeling better we try to reach out to someone who might be experiencing a low point. Let’s all keep pushing forward. So here’s to the new year, in whatever else it may bring.

I’d love to talk to anyone and be there for you. I even have a lot of TV and movies recommendations if you’re just looking for something to pass the time.

And let us not forget 2020 as much as we may want to, because we endured a freaking pandemic and we are still here.